it seems that confusion and deception are the names of the game, with the game being life.
sometimes it looks as if hope is all lost and certain scenarios just don't exist in our reality. it is a sure thing that something will NOT happen. you've resigned your heart to give up all hope and try to start moving on.
but then one single event contradicts everything you tell yourself and then you are sent back to square 1, starting the whole damn cycle over again.
is this just a product of dreaming too much? spending far too many hours thinking about the endless possibilities that the future holds? maybe it's because of the passive response one takes as an approach to life. if we are not the captains of our lives, steering it on course then any strong wind will blow us where it may.
but i don't know whether i want to be the one that closes the door. i like to keep every door of opportunity open just in case. maybe that's a bad thing because it will feed into my delusions about life. i feel like there have been doors that i've accidentally let go of and they can never be opened again. maybe other doors are just temporarily closed, but after awhile you tend to lose track of them and you can't tell the difference between the locked doors and them.
this all sounds so convoluted and ambiguous. i guess that's just how my mind has been operating lately. i have all these questions to ask and no one to ask them to. sometimes i feel like a prisoner amongst my own thoughts.
