every year starts with the good-intentioned "new year's resolution". every year ends with thoughts of how one could have done a better job of accomplishing said resolution, what went wrong, and how to proceed for next year in order to avoid repeating utter failure once more. such a vicious cycle needs a break.
what if, instead, we throw down this malicious game of inevitable lost conquests and actually try instead for some resolve within our selves and our lives? it would seem that most times, this is essentially what our laundry lists of self-alterations are missing. we make resolutions without actually having any resolve to see them finished to the end of days. ironic, hmm?
i guess i am just thinking about this because of all the changes happening around me. with a coinciding new year rolling along at the same time, this could be a way to start over, start fresh. i so want this. i don't want to be stuck in the same old rut that i've been in for the past few months. it's been a cage for my soul, trapping all creativity or passion/drive for living life. i used to hope for a great many things. now i'm just tired of everything.
or maybe i should remember to live the life that was so graciously given to me. i should open my eyes and see the beauty of the world before me. what's so bad about my life? nothing that really matters. why can't i see that? why can't i move past my own insignificance and work towards something that could really matter in the world? it's possible that my own vanity and pride stand in the way, but i really don't think that they are strong enough to sustain any long-lived obstacle in my path towards spiritual enlightenment. who am i to judge this though? all i am is a meager human being looking for her place in the world.
creating resolutions? no. building resolve? yes, but how to do it successfully?
